did you get engaged???
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
