I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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