I wish I could punch you in the face.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
