Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
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