I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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