they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
