Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Vodka?
Forever.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
