We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
