The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
