as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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