Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
