I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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