What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
