so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize