No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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