When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
