Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
