A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
