Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
