I am puke
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
