he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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