jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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