At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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