Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just want to make out with him forever
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
