you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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