Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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