Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
