Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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