I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
