Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
