YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
