If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
