things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
