im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize