Where did you get a picture of my penis
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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