dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
