your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
