im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
