At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
