he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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