he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
two words...techno handjob
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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