So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
