Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just threw up on my dentist
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
