Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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