my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
