You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I wish there were birth control emojis
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
