The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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