erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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