I would go down on you faster than GM stock
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
