Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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