So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
