Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
