i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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