When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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