if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just blew my weed a kiss
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
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