I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Are we in a gay sports bar?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
