I have demons in me.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
